So it was an interesting weekend for me. Saturday was full and busy and I got lots accomplished. Sunday. . . Well, I got to catch up on some Christmas movies. And I was not overly happy about it.
I’ve been trying to make positive steps to become more healthy. You know, do those things we are all supposed to do: cut back on caffeine, exercise, no food after 7:00pm.
One major problem: that can be a toxic combination for me.
You see, I have very low blood pressure. I’m one of those “lucky” people that get to eat as much salt as I want and drink caffeine daily. But what some would consider a blessing is instead often a burden to me. Because it’s not that I get to drink caffeine and eat salt. I have to drink caffeine and eat salt.
And some days, I get jealous of those of you who can completely cut out soda or strive to not eat after dinner. Jealous. Green with envy.
It may look different than someone who’s jealous of money, fame, or fortune, but it’s the same ugly beast.
That’s where I need a renewing of my mind. The jealousy has to go. I cannot give it a place in my heart that might come between me and another person. I have to accept that God made my body this way for a reason. And it was important. And it was good. It is good.
So while I add salt to my lunch and decide what my caffeine fix of the day will be, know that I’m thinking of you. And thankful God made us different.
What thing sometimes makes you look at someone else with envy?
I look at how good fathers interact with their kids and grand kids. My dad wasn’t around for me as a child or adult. My kids never had a grandad to go fishing with or throw a football with.
When I see a grandad or dad interacting with their loved ones, I become jealous and wonder if they realize how special these moments are.
I sometimes think the reason why I chose the wrong men to have in my life is because I didn’t know what a “good” man was.
My father passed away last year and I think about how much he missed out on in both my life and my childen’s lives.
I have had to forgive my dad for not being there for me and my kids, because evedientally he didn’t have his father there to establish the importance.